I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
