never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
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