Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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