omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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