did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
