I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Can Purell be used as lube?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
