Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize