i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
