id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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