I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
