I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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