How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
