Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
