Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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