Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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