How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
