Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
