just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
