turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
there is glitter all over my balls
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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