I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
