So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
