I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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