The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize