giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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