I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
