Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
