I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize