watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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