I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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