1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
