I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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