I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
