I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
