Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
