Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
