spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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