pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
