all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And then my night got REAL pukey
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
