Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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