So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
