I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
