I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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