i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
