that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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