guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
