He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
