Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize