I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
