loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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