Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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