i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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