im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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