I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize