"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just invented taco cereal.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
