Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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