it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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