but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pants are for mortals
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
