Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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