Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
