we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
