at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
