did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
