I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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