are you still at the devil's house?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize