Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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