so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize