its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
