Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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