Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
