youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the condom got lost in my hair
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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