I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
