the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
