lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The beer is more important than you right now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
