Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
