Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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